


truth is seldom found (when a woman is around)

by absolutemperor4 (ShadoWolf55)



Series: tumblr fic prompts, a collection [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Killing Eve AU, and lexa is a serial killer, but they are girlfriends, clarke is a fbi detective, it's just fluff and comedy honestly, zero angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21583873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadoWolf55/pseuds/absolutemperor4
Summary: based on the tumblr prompt: "clexa killing eve au where lexa is a serial killer and clarke is the agent supposed to catch her but surprise! clarke is also her girlfriend!"or the one where clarke is really just oblivious for a detective, man.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: tumblr fic prompts, a collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1318355
Comments: 6
Kudos: 177





	truth is seldom found (when a woman is around)

She dropped her briefcase on the wooden floor and rapped at the metal door impatiently. The metallic tapping noise reverberated throughout the corridor and she slumped against the door. A few moments later, the door clicked open and she dragged her sluggish body into the apartment.

“You know you can just use the key, right?”

She ignored the voice and proceeded to collapse on the couch.

“Rough day?”

“ _Rough day is an understatement._ ” She remarked snidely before pushing herself off the couch. “I haven’t been home in 3 days and it’s all because of you!”

“Oh, so we’re doing this now?” The other woman laughed and headed into the kitchen.

“Yes, we are. I’m exhausted and my visions blurred- wait, where are you going??”

“Dinner doesn’t cook itself, _Clarke_.”

“You _cook_ now?!” Clarke exclaimed exasperatedly, “One week ago, you couldn’t even boil water! What the hell, Lexa!”

“Tsk tsk, so judgemental, Clarke. You haven’t even tried my food. Anya has, and she says I’m a professional chef right now.”

“Three days and she calls herself a professional chef,” Clarke grumbled under her breath as Lexa emerged from the kitchen, carrying plates of mouthwatering food that made Clarke rethink her assumption almost immediately. “ _You_ made these?!” She dug into her plate of Lasagna and moaned in pleasure.

Lexa grinned and watched as Clarke wolfed down mouthful after mouthful until her plate was completely empty.

“I take it you liked it and you’re no longer mad at me?”

“Yes, it was amazing, and I’m not mad at,” Clarke stopped and stared at Lexa, who was innocently looking down at her food and taking bites out of her Lasagna. “You played me! No, no, this might be exceptionally good, but I’m still mad at you! Do you know how much sleep I managed to get the past few days? Less than 8 hours, and that’s in total! I’m tired and starving and it’s all the Commander’s fault! _The Vice President?_ Really, Lexa? You need to stop making my life so hard. The past 96 hours have been absolutely hell. You better not assassinate the President, there’s no saying he will be the only one with his throat slit.”

Lexa only shrugged, “If I wanted to kill him, I wouldn’t slit his throat. That’s incredibly lame. You know me Clarke, all about the flair and the drama.” She ended with a wave of her arms and a casual wink while Clarke glared at her, seething in anger. The brunette picked up the dishes and left them in the dishwasher before grabbing a bottle of wine and turning on the television.

“Come here,” She motioned to the seat beside her on the couch, “Let’s watch a movie. I’ll let you take a nap too.”

Clarke groaned, but dragged her feet to the couch, sitting at the far end before relenting and curling up beside Lexa. She wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, snuggling into her neck and closing her eyes as the television droned on.

“How did you know it was me?”

“He was found skinless in a room full of creepy dolls. I mean, it’s got to be you, unless you’re telling me there’s someone out there that’s even more of a psychopath,” Clarke mumbled into her neck.

“You should never tell a psychopath-” “-they’re a psychopath. Yes, yes, I know, but you don’t even care?”

“Hm, maybe. It’s not very nice or mature to call me that. But you’re grumpy, so I’ll forgive you.”

“ _Cause I’ve been busy cleaning up your mess_ ,” Clarke grunted. After a while, she pulled away to reach for the bottle of wine.

“You shouldn’t feel bad that he was killed. That man was a dirty man, extremely dirty. I had a lot of pleasure breaking him, he kept screaming though, so I had to quicken the process, unfortunately.”

“Well, FBI certainly did not have any pleasure trying to crack the case. Not that we will ever figure out who the Commander truly is, they are slippery, mysterious, a shadow in the dark. For all we know, she could be a woman who learned to cook in three days, but that would be too impossible and weird.”

Lexa let out a laugh as a grin spread to her face. “You did like how I killed him, right?”

“Maybe,” Clarke hummed, taking another sip of the wine as Lexa pouted and nudged her. “Fine yes, I found it hilarious. Must feel horrible, having to payback for all the human trafficking and illegal poaching of tigers. Actually, did you put the dolls there or did he happen to have a room full of creepy baby dolls?”

Lexa looked at her expectedly and Clarke sighed. “Off the record, of course. No one would believe me anyways if I claimed the murder had the time to put all the dolls there.”

“They might believe you if you said I mailed him dolls every day for two weeks. At first it was just one, and he would throw it in the trash can, but I would collect it and hide it in his room anyways. He was seriously confused when an entire box of dolls turned up at his doorstep and tried to throw them out. Of course I could not let him do that, I spent quite a lot of money on those dolls. I spent a morning arranging the 105 dolls in his home office and the look on his face when he returned was priceless. Actually, that just sounds ridiculous, maybe you should just say he has a room full of dolls. He’s a pretty creepy and weird guy anyways, wouldn’t be surprising.”

Clarke sighed and rubbed her forehead. She loves and understands Lexa, but sometimes her plans for murder were just too elaborate and confusing. She could never comprehend why Lexa would go to such lengths for a simple murder that could be executed with a single sniper shot. She has seen Lexa used a sniper rifle before, she had the accuracy and aim that would give a professional sniper a run for their money. But of course, Lexa complained it was too boring and fast and completely lacked flair, before going into detail how a close range attack would be more interesting.

As she cuddled closer to Lexa, the doorbell rang and let out a groan when Lexa proceeded to get up. “Don’t leave, you’re warm,” she mumbled.

“Somehow has to answer the door, Clarke.” Clarke moved and slumped over the armrest and watched as Lexa peeked through the peephole and unlocked the door. Raven, Octavia, Lincoln and Anya walked in and Clarke frowned.

“Game night?” Raven hinted, pointing at the boxes of board games in Lincoln’s arms.

“Oh, right!” Clarke exclaimed and stumbled to her feet, “I forgot, sorry, come on in. It’s been absolutely hectic at the FBI.”

“You don’t say,” Octavia remarked, “CIA has been a nightmare. ‘Commander’ this, ‘Commander’ that, no one can shut up about them. I have to give it to them though, flawless execution with a justifiable purpose. At this point they could kill whichever corrupt politician they wanted to and I wouldn’t even feel sorry for the guy.”

Clarke shot Lexa a wary look as she reached for the board games from Lincoln. “Monopoly?” The rest agreed as Raven started setting up and Anya went to get some wine. Lexa easily dominated the round, snatching more than half of the properties by the end of the game and nearly bankrupted the bank at the rate she was asking for money. Anya came in a close second, and Raven managed a third, while Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln were out much earlier in the game. Clarke knew Lexa could clearly be a successful businesswoman and dominated the economy, why she would choose such a high-risk profession was incomprehensible. Every subsequent board games, Lexa won them all, which was no surprise really. For the past 2 years since they had game night, Clarke’s murderous girlfriend had defeated them all, there was really no board game she was terrible at. It was as if when Lexa wasn’t out around assassinating people, she was playing board games for a living. It has become so much of a trend that everyone was more focused on getting second place, since the ‘Queen of Board games’ was clearly untouchable.

By the time the group had exhausted all their games, Clarke was slightly drunk and rolled up beside Lexa, Raven had ended up in Anya’s lap and Octavia has passed out for the last 2 games. No one could blame her, even Clarke could feel the weariness creeping onto her and Lexa’s voice and excitement was the only thing keeping her awake.

Lincoln woke Octavia up while Lexa restock their drinks and they all fell into a comfortable silence, until Raven suddenly shot up and grabbed an empty beer bottle.

“Truth or Dare!”

Clarke let out a groan, “That’s such a college frat party game, seriously?” Raven refused to relent and everyone unwillingly agreed to play the game. 

Which was how Clarke realised the Truth or Dare really was a much more dangerous game than she ever realised. And by dangerous she meant, that everyone would realise that Lexa was ‘The Commander’, and an FBI agent has been harboring a criminal in her home.

It was Lexa’s turn and she had chosen truth, surprisingly. Clarke had to force herself to keep a straight face when Octavia finally asked, “What’s your job, Lexa?”

“O! You wasted a question? I was expecting something spicier! I mean look at the woman, she clearly has spicy secrets to tell!”

Octavia laughed, “Maybe, but I realised we never really asked her what she works as. I mean, what kind of job do you do that pays you enough for you to afford such a beautiful penthouse?”

Lexa brought up her wine glass with a twinkle in her eyes and Clarke pleaded with her eyes for Lexa to say something logical and innocent.

“I destroy people’s lives and careers for a living, it certainly pays well.”

Clarke internally facepalmed at that statement. Lexa could not have been more obvious. She watched as Anya nearly choked on her drink, since the two of them were in the same business of killing people after all.

“Law?” Octavia prodded further, and even though she has already used up her question, Lexa played along and nodded her head. _Except she’s on the wrong side of it,_ Clarke screamed in her mind. Oh, the irony of it all.

“Which corporation, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Clarke was sure her face was ashen pale, it wouldn’t be hard of Octavia to do a simple fact check after this, seriously, why didn’t Lexa think this true well enough? She expected Lexa to panic, or point out that Octavia was only supposed to ask one question, but the brunette remained composed as two letters rolled off her tongue, “ _WC_.”

That seemed to do it for the detective, because Octavia didn’t ask any further questions and they moved on to the next person. The whole conversation, however, did not sit well with Clarke. What was _WC_? Why hasn’t she heard of that firm or company before? Was it an actual job that Lexa had? Fear was gnawing in her heart and she quickly tried to get Lexa somewhere else, alone.

“Lexa can I speak to you in private?” Clarke spluttered and Lexa shrugged while the rest continued the game amongst themselves.

Clarke reached for Lexa and dragged her into their bedroom, locking the door behind the both of them. Lexa looked at her suggestively and raised an eyebrow but Clarke immediately started pacing around the room and muttering to herself incomprehensibly.

“Ok…” Lexa watched her from the corner of the room, “Not for sex. Is it because Octavia is here? Don’t worry, she won’t notice anything. I was very careful.”

Clarke ignored her and continued walking up and down the length of the room. Lexa let out a sigh before pushing off the wall and standing in Clarke’s path. “Babe, you’ve got to stop pacing around. Why are you so freaked out, this isn’t the first time we’ve had game night with them! And it went pretty well, might I add. I won every game, you lost pretty much every game, pretty normal.”

“But it’s the first time we’re having game night right after you killed someone, after you killed a huge public figure! It’s also the first time we’re having it at your apartment! What if Octavia stumbles across your secret collection of knives or something?! And what’s with _WC_? Is that real? She could easily do a background search on you later and then she’ll realised you probably don’t work there! She would turn me in, I could lose my job! You would get arrested! ”

Lexa grabbed her hands and caressed her cheek softly. “No one is going to arrest me that easily. Besides, even if you lose your job, I mean, you could always work for me.”

“What? And help you kill people?” Clarke roughly pulled her hands away, “No freaking way, Lexa.”

Lexa chuckled and shook her head dramatically, “You do realise I own a legitimate business right? Woods Corporation? _WC_ ? Biggest tech company in the world? A multi-billion dollar company that probably makes all the technology you own? I’m not asking you to turn into a _psychopathic, heartless serial killer_ , if you want to though, fine by me. But seriously, if you wanted, you could be a supervisor, or a production manager, or something at my company. And I did not lie, for the record. I do have a law degree, and I studied business and a bunch of other things in university. I am a qualified lawyer and I do head the legal department at my company. Everything I said out there was true, even if it was to some extent. You have to admit, ‘I destroy people’s lives and careers’, you can really take that both ways huh?”

The dumbfounded expression on Clarke’s face was priceless and Lexa watched her in amusement as the pieces seem to finally fit together in Clarke’s head.

“You’re kidding me, right. That is,” she started making vague gestures with her hand as Lexa continued to smirk, “This is all a lie. Right?”

“Clarke, for a detective, you are really dumb. You mean you never realised you were dating a billionaire? Hmm, what could possibly give that away? Maybe this huge spacious penthouse with its own indoor swimming pool and multiple leisure facilities that I own, or how about the fact that we always own the latest Woods Corp tech around the apartment? Or hey, maybe some stranger breaks into our house every week and helps us clean the place, totally not a hired maid, right? Or every time you talk to me in your detective and legal lingo and I manage to understand it, definitely not because I am extremely dedicated in infiltrating the FBI, am I?”

“I, I- I just thought,” Clarke started stuttering, wrapping her head in her hands before finally sitting down on the bed, a frown on her face. “I always thought being a serial killer just paid extremely well! It never occured to me that _you_ are _Alexandria Woods_!”

“Clarke, _Alexandria Woods_ and I literally share the same last name. There can’t be that many people in the world with the surname Woods, it’s like incredibly rare. I’m one in a billion.”

“I’m such an idiot,” Clarke huffed, lying on the bed eagle-spread as Lexa walked up to her. “And now I don’t want to get up and leave this room.” 

Lexa leaned in for a short kiss before pulling Clarke up, “We have too, they will get suspicious and we can’t have that!” She ended with a glint in her eye and Clarke rolled her eyes. Lexa strode out of the room but Clarke immediately pulled her back.

“Wait, but why is your name ‘Lexa’ then? Why not ‘Alexandria’?”

A soft, guarded look fleeted across Lexa’s eyes and the woman let out a sad smile, “I thought it would be a fun game to play with a detective, imagine my disappointment when I realise you suck at it and should probably reconsider your life decisions. And besides,” she added with a smirk, “It’s much easier to call out ‘Lexa’ in bed than ‘Alexandria’, wouldn’t you agree?”

“You’re such an asshole!” Clarke exclaimed and shoved Lexa slightly at the response. She had expected something like a traumatic childhood memory but really, Lexa was just playing with her the whole time and she never realised it. Lexa, in return, pressed her up against the door and proceeded to litter her neck with kisses, until Clarke had to forcibly push her away so that they could return to their friends.

When they finally emerged from the room, Clarke couldn’t ignore the suggestive looks and sniggering the group was throwing at them, and she hastily rubbed at her lips, trying to remove any lipstick stain Lexa might have left. When Lincoln blushingly pointed out that she had a hickey on her neck, Clarke grumbled and used her hair to cover it up, because of course, Lexa would do something like that. She just wished she could wipe off the smug grin on Lexa’s face.

Before long, Octavia and Lincoln decided to head back, along with Raven, while Anya chose to stay behind a little longer. When the door finally closed, the trio sat in silence for about 2 minutes before Anya cleared her throat.

“Well, that was certainly eventful, wouldn’t you say?”

Lexa chuckled and lounged over the couch, “You’ve got to admit, I’ve put up a spectacular performance and fooled everyone, even Clarke!”

“Well, you didn’t tell me _any_ of that beforehand and had me extremely worried you were going to blow your own cover!”

“It was unnecessary panic, you know me, I always have everything under my control. You don’t think I would have prepared for questions like that? Speaking about that, maybe I should fill you in on my whole tragic backstory about how I had a turbulent childhood and struggled to excel in school, and when I finally got a job, I had to rise through the ranks from a lowly intern to finally become the CEO of a largely successful corporation. It would make for a good story, wouldn’t it?”

Anya rolled her eyes at that statement, “Please Lexa, we all know you are too expensive to start as a lowly intern, you would just buy the company and make yourself CEO. Anyways, Clarke,” She looked at the blonde pointedly, “Now is the part Lex and I have a little chat about the mission and future plans, so I suggest you leave before you hear anything more that incriminates her. Can’t say I would appreciate you breaking down and having an intense battle with your conscience again.”

“It’s not like I don’t have that every day at work already,” she snorts before grabbing a glass of wine and heading to her study, “Just, please, give me a heads up before you kill someone again. I need time to stock up on caffeine and sleep, or I will actually collapse.”

Lexa laughed, “Of course, Clarke. Of course.”

-xXx-

Just 16 days later, a sore hand slammed the door shut loud enough to resonate across the entire corridor. The brunette looked up from her magazine, clearly aware of what was going to come, and sure enough, the blonde let out an enraged roar.

_"ALEXANDRIA WOODS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"_

**Author's Note:**

> [well](https://twitter.com/absolutemperor4)


End file.
